The Truth of Who I Am

"Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free." -Eckhart Tolle

The Big Reveal

on April 1, 2014

I found myself watching an old episode of What Not to Wear recently and, as always happens, I went through all the emotions of 1. worrying about the ego of the woman that was mauled into a makeover, 2. feeling mildly guilty for judging her poor taste in clothes, 3. impatience at her inability to see how she really looks to others because of her clothes, and 4. a growing excitement as Stacy, Clinton, Carmindy and Nick (or Ted) work their magic. #5 is the kicker…

The show does not vary much. After the magic is done, there is a Big Reveal of the “new” woman who is radiant and beautiful. This is my #5 where I always, ALWAYS have to wipe away tears. ALWAYS. I love makeovers and I absolutely LOVE the moment of the Big Reveal. I savored every Oprah and Dr. Phil makeover show. I take it all in while watching the transformation – particularly the very beginning where the person’s story is told of who they are and how they got into the state they’re in. And, of course, the Big Reveal is the very best part for me.

Today I thought about why it is that I love makeovers so much. I have very seriously considered this career path for my life. I’m not even joking. Friends who know me well would confirm it for you. This may have been the career that got away. Anyway, as I thought about why I love makeovers so much, it dawned on me that I love makeover shows because throughout the show, the makeover magicians are actually people who are really good at seeing past the outside of the person and right through to the inside of the person. They see the radiant, beautiful person on the inside that is just yearning to be seen and to be free.

That radiant, beautiful person has always been there at the core, the truth of who the person is. And the makeover people just have that gift of seeing that truth through all the other stuff. All they have to do then, is to simply remove those things that diminish the radiance and uncover the beautiful person that is on the inside. What a special gift to be able to do that! To be able to SEE right through the ridiculous clothes and makeup and crazy and/or neglected hair.

Stacy and Clinton see it almost immediately and then spend some time trying to understand more deeply by talking and showing and questioning and listening to the person. They really listen to the experiences and desires and fears and dreams of the women they makeover before they ever tell her what not to wear. It seems their main goal is to help the woman see what’s on the inside by holding up a magic mirror. And I love it.

And what I love EVEN MORE is the look on the face of the woman when she is revealed to herself. The routine is that she puts on one of her new outfits and walks out without ever looking in a mirror until she’s with Stacy and Clinton and on camera. Then she looks in the mirror and, often for the first time in a long time, she sees HERSELF again. She sees HER SELF. She recognizes the beautiful, radiant woman that she knows as herself. She recognizes herself and can suddenly see her dreams within reach because she looks like the woman in her dreams. She had lost sight of her self and someone else had to find her for herself and help her SEE what was always on the inside.

We’ve all been there, I’m sure, where we have lost sight of the truth of who we are. There are times when I don’t recognize myself and the dreams I dream for myself don’t seem to fit the woman I see in the mirror. She sometimes looks so strange and foreign to me.

And here is where I am pausing to filter and deciding that I must keep typing. I’m sort of in that phase right now. In and out of it. Some days I see myself with such clarity and I look exactly like the woman destined for my dreams. But then there are days when the mirror reflects back to me a very blurry, distorted and diminished image of the truth of who I am. And it is in those moments, when I am least recognizable to myself that I wish the most for someone to see me – SEE ME. I want a Stacy & Clinton in my life to hold up the magic mirrors on those bad days when I am most blurry and distorted.

And what a gift it is when someone who loves me – the truth, the core – of me so deeply and so openly that it is the only way they ever see me. None of all the outside ridiculous stuff ever matters. That stuff is always a transparent mask that means nothing. It is during those times, when the image in the mirror I look into is blurry and distorted that they hold up their shiny, magic mirrors and I see my SELF in all my radiance and beauty that I also know most certainly that I am loved. That’s grace. That’s love in its truest form. In the end, isn’t this exactly the kind of love we all seek? To be loved at our worst. To be loved when we are furthest from the truth of who we are.

Inevitably, this kind of thinking about how much I love what others do for me always leads me to ask myself how well and how much I do those kinds of things for others. Because it’s a hard thing sometimes not to get distracted by the ridiculous outsides of people. All the ridiculous masks can get me all judgmental and impatient. Sometimes it’s just too hard not to look at their blurry, distorted images and believe that’s all there is. Sometimes it’s easier to take the masks seriously and focus on and criticize the mask rather than see through it and love deeply and openly. More work for me to do, but I continue to strive to live out that career as a makeover artist for people – at least the part where I can see their insides first, just like Stacy & Clinton. Because this is also true…

As for me, I’m not even sure where I was headed with this post except I’m still chipping away at the armor and trying to get to the truth of who I am so that I can live from that space of always seeing myself in plain sight and always remaining true to my SELF.

And still, always, trying to live as the woman destined for the dreams I dream.

Truthfully yours,

Rhina

P.S. If, based on the title of this blog post you expected a naked picture of me….my sincere apologies.

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4 responses to “The Big Reveal

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think as teachers, we do the same work as Stacy and Clinton, when we are able to see the capabilities of our students, when they aren’t able to see them for themselves. So, it wasn’t the job that got away…just a different spin on it.
    Love your blog…keep them coming!

  2. Kim Archung says:

    I so love you Rhina! You are such a gloriously humorously wonderful womyn! You make my heart sing. And I absolutely love how you so honestly and openly reveal the Truth of Who You Are!

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