The Truth of Who I Am

"Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free." -Eckhart Tolle

Low Expectations and Cheers to The Truth of Who I Am!

on March 21, 2014

So today is the one year anniversary of this blog. A year has gone by as if in an instant since I created this blog. I imagined that I would, somehow, magically, have something really important and profound to write about and that it would have oozed out of me effortlessly as all my other blog posts have. But nothing so far. I’ve been a bit disappointed in the way things are turning out on the anniversary of a day I got up the courage to start delving deeper into my truth. I had great expectations for the blog post that was supposed to have been completed ahead of time.

And maybe that’s what the thing of it is. Maybe it’s BECAUSE of my expectations – my great expectations – that I have further to fall into disappointment over them. A quirky relative whom I love in a special way very decidedly explains himself to the rest of us by telling us that he sets the bar really low for others’ expectations of him so that when he rises even a little bit above them, he wins. I can see how it works. It works. I’ve witnessed it. People around him celebrate and have a hoopla about little big things he does. He barely has to hit average to be showered with praise and appreciation.

High expectations can certainly cause some problems. My marriage and parenting comes to mind. I seriously imagined that when it came to problems between my spouse and I that we’d calmly, of course calmly, communicate with each other by explaining our feelings and hurt and then at the end of it all we’d embrace each other in mutual compassion and forgiveness and pure love and move on back into our joyful, playful, happy, flirty, loving union. Yup. I have a wild imagination.

Parenting – I imagined that my beautiful children would gather around me, very Sound of Musicish, and cup their chins while listening intently to my wisdom as I explained to them why it was important to be kind and loving to each other and also why it’s not best for our planet and their parents’ budget to pour out all purchased liquids such as soap, shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath, lotion and toothpaste just to feel it as it pours out and into the drain. And after they listened and having learned, they would never repeat it again and they would embrace me lovingly and feel the joy of a mother like me. Then of course, we would run on the mountains in the wind singing…well…you must know the rest or you can listen here.

Imagination. Expectations. Gotta love a wild imagination and great expectations. And a sense of humor. Yes, a sense of humor is a MUST. The thing about great expectations is that they may be a bit unfair to a situation that can’t promise to deliver. I think it’s been one of the things that’s caused much disappointment in my marriage because I often missed the beauty of the reality because I was too busy waiting on what I was expecting and then feeling disappointment over not getting what I expected.

The truth, I’m learning, is that there is beauty in what’s real. While I can certainly have great expectations about the important things in life and in a spouse, such as character and commitment, I have to let go of the great expectations over the little stuff. Yes, he should be truthful. No, he doesn’t have to complete a laundry cycle from gathering dirty clothes and washing them to drying, folding and putting away. Yes, he should feed our children when they need food. No, he doesn’t have to offer them servings of green, organic vegetables with each meal. Yes, he should contribute to the care and maintenance of our home. No, he doesn’t have to sort through all the mail immediately.

About those kids – same thing. Yes, they should listen and learn. No, they don’t have to get it right henceforth. Yes, they should not waste purchased liquids. Yes, they should never do it ever again. I mean…stepping into a side story…the girl has been POURING out a whole lot of purchased liquids. The other day, I came upon large globs of a newly purchased tube of toothpaste in the sink and, knowing that she and her brother have been counting money lately, I declared that she would have to start paying us back for these things she’s wasting and $2Β  seemed like a reasonable price for the globs of toothpaste in the sink. So, very happily and Sound of Musicish, she dances away and then comes dancing back and lets me know that she put the $2 under my pillow. No worries. All was solved.

Later that night, when all was quiet and she was supposed to be asleep, I hear her tip-toeing down the stairs and to her Daddy in another room and I hear her say to him in a cute, small voice, “Daddy, the sink is blocked because I put tissues in it. But don’t worry Daddy, I’ll pay you two dollars for it, okay?” Apparently she doesn’t get the value of her dollars OR she’s just Miss Moneybags and I need to worry about her thinking she’s going to pay her way through life.

All along, I have missed out on great opportunities to see the beauty of what’s true in my life because I was too disappointed to notice it. And now that I am conscious of this lesson and truth about who I am, I will probably do better but maybe not every single time.

So there. In the last moments of this beautiful first day of spring and the first anniversary of this blog, I am finishing up an average post about loving what’s real and true in life. I created this blog with no expectations and simply a wish to be courageous and to do something I love to do, which is to write from my heart, and to do it my way and, in the process, to share the truth of who I am in the hopes of connecting with the truth of who you are.

It’s been just what I needed.

Thank you to every single one of you who has read a post or two or three. And I especially appreciate those of you who encouraged me along the way through hugs, smiles, comments, knowing looks, Facebook likes, phone calls and all out joy and kind words about connecting with me through my posts. I have been surprised and humbled to know that anyone took the time, much less enjoyed what I wrote. I have absolutely loved connecting with you through my writing.

Here’s to low expectations and lots more finding joy in the truth of the matter!

Truthfully yours,

Rhina

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11 responses to “Low Expectations and Cheers to The Truth of Who I Am!

  1. Rhina, I was saving your latest post to read when I had a quiet morning and finally that time came today! And your truth hit home for me; I needed to read your words today. While your children pour our bottles and tubes of goo, my teenager pours out 15 min of hot shower when he’s been told time after time that 10 min is the max especially when we are back to heating with oil as winter wraps up and the firewood supply for our wood furnace had dwindled to nothing. And when I calmly, lovingly talk to him about it I can see that he just doesn’t get it – the cost of water for our planet, the cost on our purse to heat it, and the cost to maintain our water filtration system more frequently because of this increased water use. Ugh! Some days I want to scream at Reality and tell her that I don’t like her one single bit. But then, I too would miss the beauty. That he is still unjaded enough to not be burdened by constant awareness of money and costs. That he is still in that carefree place that all children deserve to be in while they tend to the bigger issues of developing their amazing psyches and souls.
    And marriage truths: me too!
    A long time ago, when a mother told me how her young adult daughter was and I said “did you ever expect that!”, her reply was “I have wishes but not expectations. With expectations you are only ever disappointed, with wishes you are always pleasantly surprised.” Since then, I try hard to have wishes instead of expectations but us humans are funny, we love to make it hard on ourselves πŸ™‚

  2. Kim Archung says:

    There ain’t nothing average at all about this post…and yes I laughed out loud when reading about our girl’s globs of toothpaste and tissues in the drain and her $2 repayments so freely given…if only we could all see the pure truth in her generous giving little self…and after all she is just experimenting with her tactile skills! I love your blogs each and every one Just Rhina and can’t wait for the more to come…Such happiness you share!

    • justrhina says:

      Kim – she really is such a generous, giving free spirit and she teaches me so much about being in the world the way she is. She is so much more brave and outgoing and open than I ever was as a kid and I am grateful to be part of her life. Thank YOU for being a part of her life, too, and loving her.

  3. Happy One-Year Anniversary and best wishes for many more πŸ™‚

  4. Anonymous says:

    I can’t believe it’s been a year since you started the blog! Thanks for sharing. I have enjoyed reading. I’ll get somethings for my girl to pour out.

  5. Anonymous says:

    The truth…i don’t think many people know about being truthful anymore! I’ve just about given up with hoping for the truth. The truth is that I am just me. Me, myself and I. The whole theory of expectating good from people stands out as a sore thumb. And really I don’t think I am being a pessimist. People lie to you while looking you in the eye! And I still love the world.

  6. Lee says:

    Truth doesn’t begin to bob it’s ugly head until a bit later than early childhood. I WISH I had known about unrealistic expectations and – frankly, any expectations at all, frankly. I am a forty -five year old remarried divorced mom of two daughters. One is exploring the planet, on her charm and musical and chef skills. The other, learning life’s lessons in the school of hard knocks, keenly devoted to her man. My mom is on death’s door. My husband now has two kids who are amazing and I, well I just am the somebody amazing who gets overlooked for all the greatness of everyone else. It’s ok. Life moves on. Toothpaste getting wasted? Oh, for those days.

    • justrhina says:

      You’re right – toothpaste is small stuff, Lee. I’m glad you know that you are amazing even if it’s not noticed. What you give to your family and loved ones is important and necessary. I wish you much strength and peace as you go through life’s challenges – especially with your mom. This must be a very hard time and I hope you will be supported well.

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